


Sweet, sweet Byleth

by Zalakbian



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Cake Fic Meme, F/F, I blame you Twitter, Mild Gore, Non-Canon but takes place in the same universe as my other Edeleth series, This is really disturbing seriously be warned, Vore, You made me do this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:15:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25249765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zalakbian/pseuds/Zalakbian
Summary: Constance says she has a spell that can turn inorganic objects into food and offers to test it on Byleth's clothes.But what if something else entirely was affected?
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth, Hapi/Constance von Nuvelle (minor)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	Sweet, sweet Byleth

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I made a joke tweet on twitter that I would write this if I got a measly 30 likes... and got them all in less then 10 minutes. https://twitter.com/ModelOmega_/status/1282428076593307649
> 
> Here it is, I hope you got what you asked for.

“So, this spell will make my clothes… food?” Byleth reiterated in confusion. Their head was tilted at a thinking angle as an exceptionally proud looking Constance stirred her rainbow tea.

“Absolutely, Your Majesty!” She boasted, going on a new tangent about how her new ‘booed to food’ spell turned leather pants into beef jerky, a hard stone into sugar candy, and a bucket of sand into butterscotch pudding.

“Wait, why did you have leather pa-” Byleth tried to ask, but Constance cut them off with an exceptionally loud ‘Ohohoho!’ and spun the conversation around to gauge her Empress’ interest. “Well… I suppose El might find it fun…” They mused aloud, and Constance squealed with glee.

“So you will let me try it on your attire?” She excitedly asked, and Byleth nodded her head. “Ahaha! Well, first, please remove anything you do not wish to be eaten, Your Majesty!”

Byleth removed their coat, leaving themselves in just a pair of shorts and the chest cut-out shirt that Edelgard loved so much, especially since it was now altered to show more of their prized midsection. Constance confirmed that the Empress was ready, and then began the incantation. She spun her wand and muttered in a language Byleth couldn’t understand, and soon they felt sparkly little bits began to appear and fall around her akin to a light drizzle of rain.

“Annnnd… done!” Constance finished with an extra flourish, smiling brighter then Byleth had ever seen her. “I am not sure what your garments may have become… but would you kindly tell me of your experience after the conclusion? See I have someone else in mind and...”

Byleth raised an eyebrow towards the end of the noblewoman’s statement, but Constance simply reacted with what appeared to be mock horror at the ‘time’, and, ‘I’m going to be late!’ and she ran off with one final ‘ohohoho!’

“Well, guess I had better go see El.” Byleth concluded.

Their trek from the lab back to the Emperor’s office was relatively normal, though Byleth noticed a certain extra lightness and springiness to her step. They just attributed it to excitement over the fun about to be had with Edelgard, Byleth couldn’t over the mental imagine of them lying back, watching as their wife slowly took apart their trousers…

“Coming through!” A sharp voice suddenly warned, and Byleth had just barely enough time to get out of the way while Lysithea zipped by on a wheeled, wooden dolly. They were crouched over and had their arms outstretched to one side at an angle, the gremory’s fingertips accidentally making contact with the side of Byleth’s midriff. “Sorry!” Lysithea blared back as they continued to blaze down the palace hallway, being chased by a pair of giggling children they were supposedly ‘watching’.

“L-Lysithea!” Byleth called out, followed by Jeralt and Rosalind. “That’s not safe! What if-” But the three had already rounded a corner and were far out of range now. So Byleth sighed and turned around to continue heading to Edelgard’s office, making a mental note to have a chat with their sister later about what is acceptable while babysitting the kids.

Meanwhile, the Gremory had come to a stop after their antics had just knocked over and smashed a rather ornate looking flower vase. Checking the kids one by one to make sure they didn’t have any injuries, Lysithea was suddenly alerted to Rosalind licking their hand. When all she said was “sweet,” upon being asked, Lysithea checked out her fingertips and found that there was a bit of a white, creamy looking substance stuck on the end. They took a sample, and were greatly confused.

“Is that… icing?”

…..

When Byleth finally reached their love’s office, they found Edelgard predictably so consumed by her work that she didn’t even hear or notice the door opening, closing, or someone walking inside. Byleth crept over until they were opposite Edelgard sitting at her desk. Looking down they could see a series of maps and charts, some of it making sense, but most of it clearly beyond their expertise.

Byleth finally called out a ‘hello’, and Edelgard all but yelped in her seat. “My heart! ...Almost gave me a heart attack…” She wheezed, with Byleth frowning and leaning over for a short kiss as an apology.

“Come here for a minute, El, please?” They asked. Years prior Edelgard would let nothing interrupt her work, but finding herself with a still growing family and a restored lifetime slowly wore that away until she was willing to commit to breaks, time off and even the occasional vacation. So the Emperor stood up and joined Byleth at the other side of her work surface, greeting her wife properly with a short hug and kiss.

“What’s on your mind, By?” Edelgard teased, twirling a loose strand of her hazelnut while speaking.

Byleth replied that they had a surprise for her. “Try taking a bite of my shirt.” They suggested. Edelgard looked so confused, but Byleth kept pressing the point until she agreed to give it a try.

“Ptooey! Byleth! This is just the same cotton shift you always wear?!”

They scratched their head, had Constance messed up? Byleth sniffed and tried nippling on a sleeve, only to come to the same conclusion.

“Constance…” Byleth muttered in thought.

…..

“Um… Coco?”

The blonde and violet noblewoman had been trying to get her girlfriend’s attention for the past few minutes, but all Hapi seemed to be interested in was the spellbook Constance claimed this newest trick came from. Now the shoe was on the other foot, and the Valkyrie beckoned her lover over to more carefully read over the text in this particular tome.

“You um, used the wrong spell.” Hapi advised, which just flustered Constance even more.

“Preposterous!” She fired back. “It worked! Look, I turned my exquisite lingerie into licorice, see?” Constance tore a piece of her shoulder strap off and fed it to Hapi, not caring or minding that this led to part of her ‘sweet apparel’ falling away and exposing a breast.

“Whelf-” Hapi had to pause to chew and swallow. “These two are very similar, perhaps you accidentally mistook them?”

Constance looked at the page for a solid minute, eyes scanning back and forth, deep in thought. Suddenly she drew in one long, sharp, horrifying breath, and screamed.

“Coco? Wha-”

Constance grabbed a long robe from the side of the bed and began to run off, exclaiming that, “I have to warn Her Majesty!”

Back in the Emperor’s office, Edelgard was trying to cheer Byleth’s spirits up with a little impromptu make out session, holding her Empress tenderly and giving them many kisses among the lips and cheeks. Only, over time Byleth began to notice Edelgard use more and more of her tongue, which wasn’t itself out of the ordinary, but it felt almost like she was licking them?

“Aha… El? Something on my face?” Byleth giddily asked as Edelgard continued to lick openly at their lips.

Edelgard took one more long drag across Byleth’s face before answering. “I don’t know… you just taste very sweet, your lips are like cherry.”

Byleth stuck out their tongue to taste their own lips but found nothing unusual. This did nothing to deter Edelgard however, who went right back to aggressively smooching her dearest.

“Ah-! El-! You… wha?”

With one love bite gone awry, both realized that Edelgard had bitten an actual chunk off Byleth’s lips. They felt the area with their hand, it was completely alien, not like actual flesh at all, and despite having a lump taken off they didn’t feel any pain at all!

“...Edelgard?! Why are you chewing that?!” Byleth reacted in horror to her wife nibbling and swallowing the piece of lip.

“But…” Edelgard slinked back over and draped her arms around Byleth’s shoulders. “It’s cherry fondant…”

Byleth broke free of their wife’s hold and stumbled back a few steps in a blind panic. “El! This isn’t normal! We need to get someone here and undo this!” They rapidly alarmed. 

“But I want to taste more of you…” Edelgard quickly got between Byleth and the door, and started to smirk heavily.

“El… please don’t…”

“Just a tasting… please?”

Edelgard closed the distance and held Byleth by the shoulders. They tried to wiggle free again, but whatever had been done to their body seemed to sap strength as well. The Emperor then drew her tongue up Byleth’s exposed chest, and then took a big bite right into one of their upper breasts. Byleth screamed in absolute terror as they witnessed Edelgard clearly savouring their ‘flesh’. The Empress looked down and poked a bit at the newly exposed meat Edelgard had laid bare. It looked, felt and according to Edelgard tasted exactly like a rich, decadent Black Forest gâteau.

“Edelgard, no, you have to stop!” Byleth tried to plead, but Edelgard was already on her knees taking more nibbles of cake out of their pudgy stomach.

“So tasty… I wonder…” Edelgard mused, and Byleth could only stare in frozen shock as their wife began to fumble with the buttons to their shorts.

Lick. Lick.

“Custard…”

By the time a still frantically scrambling Constance found where Byleth had gone, and entered the Emperor’s office, there was nothing left. She saw Edelgard slumped against the front of her desk on the ground, her crimson dress opened up at the front in order to give more space to her incredibly distended looking stomach. Constance scanned the room for any sign of the Empress, but only found the scattered remains of their clothes. She looked back at Edelgard, saw her smiling, giggling, and hiccuping, and began to fear the worst.

“Your Majesty…? The Empress?”

“...Best… cake… ever…”

…..

“Yeaaarrgh!” Byleth suddenly awoke with a dreadful scream, clutching their aching chest as they tried to calm down from the torrent of adrenaline. Looking around, Byleth didn’t see Edelgard or any of their children, they concluded that they must have slept in later than everyone else. “It was… just a nightmare, right?” Byleth self questioned, and for good measure tried poking at the spot on their chest that Edelgard bit from, it was all fine. Checking more areas confirmed fully to Byleth that they had not in fact been turned into a cake, it must have just been a horrid dream brought upon by too much beef stroganoff.

Byleth got dressed and splashed water in their face to fully wake up, trying their best to forget about everything that happened in that dream. They figured it might be a good idea to check with Manuela, just to make sure there was nothing wrong, and so skipped down the halls to her infirmary.

“Out of the way out of the way!” Byleth once ahead heard, and this time fully leapt out of the path of one speeding Lysithea, now followed by all their children. Byleth sighed as the creaking wheels once again whizzed past, clearly there was no stopping the gremory in this. But before Byleth could speak up, they noticed a young one tugging their sleeve.

“Mommy?” Little six year old Rosalind began to ask, and Byleth looked down at her. “Can I have some more of your cake please?"

**Author's Note:**

> Complaints can be lodged against my twitter profile @ModelOmega_
> 
> However I am not liable for any damages incurred as a result of your choice to read this abomination.


End file.
